You're so nebulous sometimes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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