I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
