Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
