its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Alive.
So much puke
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Couch. On fire.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
