Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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