I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im drinking this country out of the recession.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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