He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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