I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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