he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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