dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
