Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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