i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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