every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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