thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you had me at cake vodka
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
