is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
