So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
