i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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