He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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