She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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