What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
