That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
