okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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