Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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