You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
