I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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