my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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