I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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