Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
