So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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