make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
