ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
