First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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