I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
