The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
