Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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