I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
