dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
