he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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