remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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