In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
