Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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