she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
