Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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