also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
