Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
