last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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