Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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