is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
