the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
