oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
