And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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