Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
