the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
