I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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