Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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