my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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