Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
