It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
