Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I sprained my soul last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
