That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
