38 yer olds are good kisserssss
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
