Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
