dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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