why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
