she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
