I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
