but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize