im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
